The Wonders of Celibacy Club
by Tarafina
Summary: "Did you know your dad and I first began our beautiful relationship thanks to the celibacy club?" :EvanBerry:


**Title**: The Wonders of Celibacy Club  
**Category**: Glee  
**Genre**: Humor/Romance  
**Ship**: Rachel/Sam, OFC  
**Rating**: PG-13  
**Word Count**: 1,816  
**Summary**: "Did you know your dad and I first began our beautiful relationship thanks to the celibacy club?"

**_The Wonders of Celibacy Club  
_**-1/1-

"Mo-ooom! Dad's muttering in Na'vi again!"

Rachel rolled her eyes, sighing to herself. "Nicole… What have I told you about shouting from across the house?" she replied.

"_You're _doing it _too!_" she complained.

"That's… _not the point!_" Rachel left the comfort of the cushy stool in front of her vanity mirror to track door her teenage daughter. "And I would like to remind you that if your father is in one of his moods, as proven by his mutterings of Na'vi, then it's _your _fault for growing up! I don't see why you had to tell him you were dating… I fondly remember when we decided that telling your dad you were engaging in a relationship with a boy two years your senior would cause early signs of heart failure."

Nicole rolled her eyes, walking into the kitchen and hopping up onto the counter, ignoring her mother's scolding look. "You're so _dramatic!_ And Matt's only a year and _half_ older than me." She shrugged. "Besides, he failed a grade, so he's in mine… That evens out, doesn't it?"

Rachel blinked at her. "You are young, naïve and too pretty, did you know that?" She reached out to pat her daughter's knee. "Now, why don't you put your dad out of his misery and tell him you're still a virgin. And then, for the sake of _my _mind, join the chastity club!" Her eyes gleamed happily. "Did you know your dad and I first began our beautiful relationship thanks to the celibacy club?" She sighed fondly. "I'd recently broken up with your uncle Finn and was using the club to try and get information out of his current love interest, Quinn, and when our counselor quit because she was in a loveless marriage and couldn't pretend any longer, I took over… That was when Sam and Santana joined, which I suppose was just Santana's way of avoiding physical contact with her boyfriend since she'd just come to grips with the reality that she was in love with your aunt Brittany." She grinned. "Isn't life weird?"

Nicole gaped at her. "You lived a _soap-opera_, mom."

"_Yes_," she agreed, nodding, "But you'll notice that it all turned out well in the end." She clapped her daughter's knees before turning around to the stove. "Now… I was thinking of making dinner but since you and you dad keep telling me that I'm slowly food-poisoning you to an early grave, I think I might just let your dad do it and I'll make dessert. How does that sound?"

She nodded absently, searching through a nearby cupboard for something to snack on. "Hey, so if you and dad got together in celibacy club, why's he always saying glee got you guys together?"

"Well…" She tipped her head thoughtfully as she searched for ingredients. "I suppose we first really connected in celibacy club, but it was our mutual love for music and our on-going commitment to glee that eventually cemented our relationship." Her brows furrowed, lips stretched in a smile. "It seems all of my love stories began in glee… Your dad was the only one who really lasted."

She snorted. "Yeah, I totally can't believe you dated Uncle Finn. Um, _ew much?_"

Rachel chuckled. "At the time I was madly in love with him. I was absolutely certain we'd have a romance worthy of retelling for ages…" She shook her head. "We were mismatched though. He was young and immature and I was trying so hard to grow up too fast…" she mused. "And then of course there was the pregnancy and my short relationship with Noah… But Finn and I finally seemed to get things together that summer and for six months, at least…" She sighed. "Until the lies and the revenge seemed to get in the way." She raised a brow. "I really was living a soap opera." She winked at her daughter. "Do you suppose I should put that on my resume as my first role?"

"Put what on your resume?" Sam asked, walking from the garage into the kitchen to bee-line it for the sink to wash his hands. As he scrubbed detergent into his grease stained fingers, he leaned to the right to kiss his wife, grinning when she rubbed her nose against his affectionately before leaning back against the counter.

"High school," she told him, drawing her long dark hair up into a ponytail. "My various romances and their unusual happenings. Nicole's brought it to my attention that they were a rollercoaster much akin to those awful soaps your mother likes to watch."

Sam grinned, turning to flick his fingers and spray loose water at his daughter who glared back at him. "Nicky's smart… Which is why I'm wondering why she's following in your footsteps…"

Nicole scoffed. "Matt and me are nothing like mom and all her boyfriends… _Maybe _he's my _Sam!"_ she reminded, pursing her lips.

Rachel exchanged a look with her husband. "I highly doubt that, dear."

"Why _not?_"

"Because…" She smiled warmly, resting her head against Sam's shoulder. "I had to go through all the wrong guys before I found the right one." She looked up at him. "It wasn't until we both knew what heart ache was and who the wrong people to let hold our hearts were that we found each other…"

Sam grinned down at her. "Even if our soap opera still lasted through high school, at least we had each other, right?"

"_Eyawr!_" (Right!)

Nicole shook her head, rolling her eyes. "You guys are so weird."

Ignoring her, Sam turned, resting his forehead against his wife's. "_Oel ngati kameie_."

"I see you, too," she murmured, lifting up on her tip-toes and smacking her lips expectantly.

He laughed under his breath before slanting his lips across hers in a slow, deep kiss. Hands squeezing her hips, he leaned into her body and sighed happily as her tongue reached out to his. Her fingers feathered into his blond hair and scraped down his neck as she pressed into him until he was against the counter of the sink. They barely heard their daughter mutter 'ew' before she left the room, talking about how gross her parents' making out was. Rachel giggled as his finger's swept along the small of her back, dragging her shirt up a little.

"We're not doing that here," she warned, breaking back from his mouth, panting through her swollen lips.

"Bedroom then," he said eagerly, standing up a little straighter.

She laughed. "We have to get dinner made. And by we I, of course, mean _you_… I know when my cooking skills aren't wanted." She clucked her tongue.

He sighed, wrapping his arms around her waist. "Rachel, I love you, but you _can't _cook… You can _bake!_" he assured, eyes wide and brows raised. "But your cooking is like my kryptonite… it slowly drains and kills me."

She scoffed, though a smile tugged at her mouth. "Very flattering, Sam."

He shrugged, leaning in to rest his forehead against hers and pecking her lips. "Forgive me?"

She sighed. "All too easily."

He kissed her cheek and then looked past her shoulder to frown. "Nicky still dating that Finn Hudson wannabe?"

She stared up at him with a chastising frown. "Matt is not like Finn… He can't sing worth a lick."

Amused, he shook his head. "Did I hear you telling her she should get into celibacy club?"

She nodded. "While I think sexual education has come a long way, I still think abstinence is key!"

He quirked a brow. "Rach… You do remember we had sex in the classroom you used to hold those meetings right?"

She flushed. "I happened to leave that out when I was re-telling our love story, thank you. And I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell our daughter about our many sexual exploits all over McKinley high…" She smoothed out her skirt and pursed her lips. "Do as I say not as I do."

He laughed, shaking his head.

"So… What was this I heard about you muttering in Na'vi again?" She peered up at him. "I know you're taking Nicole's new relationship hard, but you don't usually curse in Na'vi unless something's really bothering you…"

He sighed, leaning back on the counter. "She's _sixteen_…" His brows furrowed. "Quinn was having a baby and you were pining after Finn when we were sixteen…" He shook his head. "We're too young to be grandparents…" He pointed at his stomach. "Grandpa's don't have abs like mine, Rach!"

She covered her mouth to stop a chuckle from escaping. "Oh Sam… As many mistakes as we and our peers made in high school, I would hope that our daughter has learned something from our many tales. We've always been honest with her… With the exception of recently when I didn't tell her you and I broke the one and only rule of Celibacy Club by fornicating multiple times, sometimes even going so far as to sin in the club _room_…" She shook her head. "But disregarding that fib, we've been plainly honest about sex and its consequences and we can only hope that she makes better decision that drinking coolers and having sex because she feels fat that day."

He nodded. "Yeah, I know… She's really smart."

Rachel grinned, wrapping her arms around his neck and leaning into his body. "She has very intelligent parents."

"Don't forget hot…" He smirked. "Hey, remember when you used to put your leg behind your head?"

Her cheeks heated up. "Rather hard to forget."

He nodded. "We should _totally _see if you can still do that…" He took her hand and walked eagerly out of the kitchen.

"What about dinner?" she wondered, laughing.

"Nicky!" he shouted loudly. "Call for pizza!"

"'Kay!"

Rachel rolled her eyes. "See, _this _is why she thinks it's okay to shout across the house!"

"Rach?" he asked, stopping them on the threshold of their bedroom door. "_Fnu!_" (Be quiet!) He wrapped an arm around her waist and drew her close. "We've got maybe a half hour to act like horny teenagers." He winked at her. "Best role yet, Mrs. Evans!"

"I'm nothing if not a method actor," she agreed, smirking as she shoved him back into the room and kicked the door shut. "Prepare to have your world rocked, Mr. Evans."

Indeed, Rachel thought, though she lived a soap opera in high school, it was a fairytale after. While she may have been misguided in her desire to be Mrs. Finn Hudson, she'd made up for it all when she fell for and later married Sam Evans. And that epic love that Jesse told her she deserved? She definitely got it. In a Na'vi speaking comic book geek that just so happened to play football and love music. Yes, for all her mistakes, she truly won in the end. She hoped their daughter would be so lucky.

[**End.**]


End file.
